Deuces. Pt.3

As I said, I'm going to talk about my childhood a bit. To let it out. To forget it.

I was about 4, living in a 3 bedroom house with my mum, 2 sisters and little brother. We were all happy and very close. At weekends my brother and I would go stay at my gran and grandad house. They had a beautiful big white house, with ivy growing up the wall and colourful flowers out the front. Cars parked at the side of the house. The house was beside a bus depot, which you would think would be very noisy and annoying, but my brother, sisters and I used to have great fun playing hide and seek in between the buses. The only problem with living near the buses was that there would always be one inconciderate driver who knocked the corner of the house with the bus. Therefor the house has a crack above the front door. I'm making this house sound like its falling down, it wasn't. It was still great and standing strong. We were all happy at my gran and grandads house, we'd get visitors from africa (my gran was born there) so we were never bored. It was the house everyone went to visit and catch up.

I don't quite know how this guy started living with us, but he was my mums boyfriend. Called john. In no time he was settled in our 3 bedroom house. He was ok to start off with but he didn't have any strong bond with any of us. I remember one day, I was sick and had to stay off school. My mum said it was ok because I had been up all night. John came marching through to my room and started shouting and swearing at me, saying I was going to be stupid and a waste if I didn't go to school. It was one day I was off, not a year. Anyway I guess that's when it all started. He was mean to us. He hurt our feelings a lot but we accepted him as we thought there must be someting nice about it if our mum would love him. We searched. But we couldn't find anything. I was always the 'bin when we were younger. My sisters, brother and I all used to sit at the table in the kitchen to eat meals while my mum and john sat in the livingroom. The reason I was the 'bin', if my brother or sister never finished there dinner then it would get force-fed to me until I vomited. It wasn't nice. John would make a special effort to come through and force it down my throat while my mum, sisters and brother sat as a family in livingroom. I remember john as being a tall muscular man. So I don't ever blame any of myy family for not helping me as it would be impossible. I remember one day all the family were going out. I wasn't aloud to go out however because I had not finished myy dinner, or should I say. Everyone elses dinner. Instead I had to sit and eat in the house alone with john. I remember sitting in my room on my bed. Waiting for john to come through and say something to me. He never.

Some days would be fine, it would all depend on his mood. I didn't know what to think of him, the more I tried to get along with him and be in his good books it seemed the more he bullied me. Unknown to me, this was happening to my older sister aswell. In her case it was so bad she moved outof the family home at a very young age and moved with my gran. We were stopped. When my sister moved in to my grans we weren't aloud to visit. I didn't understand what was happening. Probably because I was so young, but I knew it wasn't right. If this was happening to my sister without me knowing, did my mum know. And what was it that happened so bad that she moved out. When john was at work we would be aloud a sneaky visit to my grans. Only for a few hours and then we had to go back home to torture. I remember one night john had friends round. They were drinking. They were loud and out of control. I remember sitting in front of the t.v minding my own business when john told me to sit on the turning computer chair. So I did. John went through to the kitchen and brought back a whole jar of pickled onions. He force fed the whole jar to me. And spun me round and round on the chair until I was sick. This man really liked seeing me being sick. That was sick. After I was sick I was made to clean it up. I remember my mum and john having an arguement after it so I guess she was mad at him. Something happened a few weeks later and john didn't live with us anymore. I remember going to a mental home to visit him with my mum, he looked angry somehow. That he was caught. I don't exactly know why he was there. All I knew is that it was the place he belonged.

It was great when my mum wasn't with john, we were all free again. Not for long though. My mum had another boyfriend a few months later. He was really nice to me and I was happy for once. He helped me clean my room, with homework. I was happy, my whole family were happy. Years later. We had a new house, so did my gran, she had to move because my grandad wasn't well and he could no longer climb the stairs of the big house. They moved round the corner from us.about to years later my grandad got very ill. He was in hospital for some time, I remember coming home from school one day and I walked into the sitting room. Everyone was crying. I looked at my mum. My stepdad (my mum and bf got married btw) said 'pupa died this morning' I ran through to my room. I didn't know what to do. He was my best friend. I looked up to him, I wanted to be like him when he was older. And he was gone, my stepdad came to my room and said its ok and cuddled me. I just cried. What was I going to do. My pupa was more like a dad to me than anything. I loved him. I wanted to see my gran. I was told not yet as it would upset her, I remember the funeral. I had one red rose to throw in with him....

DEUCES.

CF